Multitasking Not So Intimate: How frequently does your mind wander through intercourse? You may wonder if you are”doing it right” or if the lighting is flattering. You could be thinking about tomorrow’s strategies or rehashing an occasion out of now. You may wonder if that sound is your furnace coming on or something to be worried about. You may be musing about a subject you know you need to have raised together with your spouse until you went to bed.
This type of psychological multitasking is much more common than you might think. And like undergoing orgasm weren’t sometimes hard enough, the last thing you want is the mind working on overload.
Mindfulness and meditation come up frequently in my discussions with patients. Practicing mindfulness has been among the most “recommended actions” girls can take as the first launch of Middlesex. I have talked about it because on many occasions, such as in an article reviewing study on “sex” The number one element?
In a post titled, “Wish Actually to Boost Your Sex Life? Try out Mindfulness.
We’re programmed to think we will need to multitask to be prosperous, when, in actuality, we ought to be doing just the opposite. Brotto explains, “If you’re always multitasking during your life and never fully present, it is going to be quite hard to do that through sexual activity. The brain has been hard-wired, and it’s going to find it rather difficult to do that.” Makes perfect sense.
When we multitask, we believe we’re getting so much done because we’re “successfully” getting several things done at once. But, is that good for our brains? Not based on Brotto: “Research has shown that rapid multitasking is bad because of our brains in general. We might feel like we’re accomplishing a good deal by switching between tasks very fast, but with each switch, it’s more taxing on our minds .”
The same holds for our sexual responses. If we’re always thinking of everything else that is on our heads during intercourse (e.g., what we should be doing instead of getting sex), we cannot appreciate the “job” at hand. Worse, if we’re having negative thoughts (“Can I reach orgasm this time?” After we’re intimate with our spouse, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves and in an especially counterproductive way.
If we are under all of this pressure, the part of the brain known as the amygdala is stimulated, releasing cortisol, also called the stress hormone. Our body moves into fight-or-flight manner, causing our feelings for entirely out of control.
Brotto talks about flight or fight and how it can take away in the sexual experience: “That system is contrary to the sexual stimulation system. So, the sexual arousal process is parasympathetic, and once we go to that judgmental, stressful, painful place, the sympathetic nervous system is triggered.”
When we can rid ourselves of all the negative thoughts happening in our mind, we open up ourselves for different emotions –feelings we may even know we had. If you can stop worrying about your performance or if your partner is satisfied (or if you remembered to switch off the oven), you can be more present and ready to feel sensations. This is where mindfulness may make a difference–it helps us be present at the moment and enjoy what’s happening to our bodies.
Learn how to Take 10 for Mindfulness.
Among the most excellent strategies is yoga. Most of us know yoga helps enhance our endurance and balance, but also, it entails a reflective element. The breath work in yoga” stimulates the autonomic nervous system also causes the entire body to unwind and the blood pressure to fall,” says Maureen Ryan, sex therapist, and therapist practitioner. Yoga exercises the body and calms the brain-precisely what we want if we would like to be wholly engaged when being intimate together with our spouse.
Meditation, In general, has many advantages, such as giving energy, keeping you focused, and decreasing anxiety. It is hard to have sex if you are overly tired or stressed from a long day on the job.
We all know meditation and mindfulness have many benefits in everyday life and the bedroom, so why don’t you give it a go? You honestly have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Begin with studying the discussions here in Middlesex on meditation and mindfulness. And if You’d like a source you can curl up together.